


Rain falls from this eyes

by Lacunae_Umbra



Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Gen, Mild Gore, Rash Illness (Stand Still Stay Silent), Spoilers, author still doesn't know how to tag, be up to date with the comic before reading - just a suggestion, english is still not my main language, rash gore and canon violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 06:43:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9708899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lacunae_Umbra/pseuds/Lacunae_Umbra
Summary: Tuuri can see the world in a new light, for the world now sees into her as well.She didn't expect it to come at this price.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Again! I bring angst and despair~ I just couldn't handle the last couple of pages so I wrote this.  
> No happy ending. My english is still what it was last fic. Again with the headcanons~  
> With that out of the way: happy reading! :D

_Disclaimer: Stand still stay silent is property of Minna Sundberg_

_Tittle: Rain falls from this eyes_

_Category: gen (angst)_

_Character: Tuuri centric (with a side dish of Crew)_

_Words: 2881_

_Status: Compeleted_

* * *

 

 

 

_Rain falls from this eyes_

.

It’s quite subtle at first. So much, in fact, that Tuuri has to wonder if this was the first one at all. Her wandering mind insists on it for the joy it brought her, that’s how it was marked in her memories. A pleasant one, with an undertone that struck softly at her, ignorable, almost.

She thinks about it a lot now.

But then, it went something like this:

She had been in her little corner of the tank, as per new protocol (and she didn’t want to think about it, but a little cough at mealtime and it all would end for Reynir too, and wasn’t that messed up? She was the bane of any immune, a ticking time bomb), and they had stumbled upon a little settlement on the road.

It raised a discussion, as it went like lately. They didn’t want to risk another detour, and yet no one wanted to think of what it meant for her to reach civilization. Especially with Reynir on board too.

They settled on checking it out. Well, Sigrun, Lalli, and Emil. She was set to put on record everything that had happened in the last couple of days. It felt weird, knowing she was infected (maybe not, there was this silly voice of hope on the back of her mind, and she wanted to believed so bad. But her brother was in a coma, and her cousin was quietly tearing apart, and she couldn’t give in into delusions). Reynir was quietly talking to Mikkel about something, and she caught something about food. He would try to scavenge around the tank for roots and anything edible, carrying Kitty with him. She was dreading the moment started to hesitate to be around her.

The words were starting to blur in front of her eyes when the crew came back, heavy footsteps breaking the fog in her mind and perking her up. The happy chatter seemed to point out that they had found something.

A heavy tome is set under her nose, and she blinks crossed eyed at it. The dust makes her sneeze, and she checks to see if Reynir is around. He isn’t, but her heart won’t stop beating fast.

“Uh, what’s this?” not that she doesn’t appreciate a good book, but she can’t help but ask.

“Well, short stuff, I’d thought you would like to check this book out. It has a lot of the nonsense you book type seem to appreciate” Sigrun tells her, and Tuuri sends her an unimpressed stare, but takes the book before the red haired can change her mind.

She gasps, delighted. She always wanted to know about the faraway lands of palm trees and spicy things. She stumbles around with the een-glish? But she had a passing interest in her younger years, so maybe she can dig up those memories to see if she can get something out of this tome.

It’s incredibly thoughtful of the leader, but when Tuuri finally takes her nose off from the book, she’s gone. The heavy tome is then set on the table (push the records away for a bit, she’ll get them later) or she’ll get a croocked back. Well… she’ll save herself from a wicked back pain at least.

Nobody comments on the amount of time she expends sitting with her face upon old pages. At one point, it starts making sense, this incredible fantasy faraway lands.

She expends as much time thinking of how she’ll never visit them.

.

_and may you have mercy O’ Stars_

.

The second time (but it’s wrong, she knows she didn’t catch them all, they were many more, but this one was too an emotional one) she’s awoken to more loud shouts.

Onni is awake.

She hesitates, on the fringe of her side, but Reynir has his mask on. Then she hesitates because that’s her brother, and he’s alive and well…. And she isn’t and won’t be either.

But Lalli forces her upon the seat, and the mic is on, and there’s a heavy silence.

“Oh. Um. H-hi, O-Oni” she trembles alongside her voice. She feels little, and she suddenly yearns for her big brother, because no matter how over protective he was, she knew she could count on him. And yet, she refuses to bend now and put all her weight on Onni.

She got infected, so what? This was exactly what she wanted! Not the infected part, but coming to this expedition, seeing all the world had to offer.

This, she tells him. She knew the risks, she decided to come anyway.

Onni, surprisingly doesn’t curse Taru’s soul to be eaten by the swans of Tuonela instead of getting eternal sleep. He doesn’t burst into tears.

He tells her he understands.

He’s proud of his little sister for having come this far, for overcoming the fear of the unknown.

“I love you, Tuuri” he tells her, and she dissolves, finally, into ugly sobs.

She feels Lalli weight on her side, warm and always present and regrets having brought him along. He hadn’t even known what was happening, she’s such a bad sister. The sobs come harder, and it feels like she’s chocking, then she hacks up blood.

There’s a moment of utter silence, and then someone is taking Reynir outside, and the rest brings her back to her corner to rest, and check on how much the rash has progressed.

The throwing pulse at the back of her mind is making it hard to think. She gazes at the ceiling though her tears and she thinks she can see stars.

.

_for I have lost my path_

.

The last time was simply ridiculous, and shouldn’t have been the last straw, but maybe that was what broke it down.

They are gathered around eating with this incredible spice that Emil managed to find. She had always wanted to know what it tastes like, and for her surprise, the first bite of it tastes exactly like she always wanted.

An aborted smile settles hallway on her face, between a grimace and pure twisted horror. Her heart beats with unadulterated fear, but she’s eating a meal with her workmates/friends and cousin. There’s no reason for such feeling to settle in her, and try to take over her rational mind. Her head throws with the beat of her heart.

She takes a look around the table. Sigrun is just as loud as always. Mikkel, as usual, puts his best poker face while pretending not hearing her out (but he is, so he can punch holes in all her stories). Emil is trying to draw Lalli in a conversation, and Reynir is looking at both of them with curiosity.

He’s lacking his mask. On the same table where Tuuri is eating.

She puts the spoon down.

“What’s the matter, shorty? Not up to your liking? Maybe we can get big guy here to cook something else for a change tonight” Sigrun’s word cut through the mental fog, and she can’t no longer feel her heart beating like a wild animal trying to get free, yet her heads still beats.

“All of this… this is… all wrong” she realizes suddenly. “Where the hell is your mask Reynir?! How could any of you let this happen!” actually, she couldn’t remember the last time she saw Reynir eating.

There was no way they could have found those red peppers with all that snow outside, and much less considering that they grow in their region. She only heard of them in books… and what a coincidence that they found a book with all the things she loves, and that she could actually understand.

There’s no way Onni wouldn’t have cursed Taru, the crew, every last person involved with the expedition, and being supportive of her without crying.

But it was something she had always wanted. To get his support without being worried of weighting so heavily on his poor heart.

Where was the cat? When did Lalli manage to have fluid conversations with Emil? Sigrun couldn’t carry such heavy book with her arm harmed as it was….

What else had she missed?

When was the last time something was real?

She couldn’t tell.

There’s suddenly no chair on her retreat, but the knife on her hand feels real. Everything does. But it isn’t. The beating in her chest resumes, crazier than before, and it hurts.

– T u u r i – they reach of with their hands and she brandishes the knife and her teeth

“STAY AWAY!”

“Tuuri, it’s just us” Lalli is a quiet presence by her side, close but not enough to touch. She knows he could take her, he has the better training after all.

She looks in her eye and sees no soul shining brightly with the call of their land.

“You are not Lalli” she hisses, and maybe she should have played along, but she can’t. She can’t look at this fake people any longer, knowing she neglect to notice the red flags for such a long time.

She’s suddenly terrified. All documented cases of rash infection always come from the medics, the ones on the other side, never the patients last memories are mentioned. Is this how they get twisted? Does the rash conjure your most lovely fantasies and eats you when you’re at your most complacent?

She feels so weak. Her minds pulses with clarity, but her heart is difficult to pin. Her whole body doesn’t feel like hers.

She glances at her own hand, and sees it for what it is. A sob breaks out from her lips.

Weak, so weak, she thinks, in body and mind. She sobs again, and the moment her eyes close (not)Lalli is there, gently closing her hand against her.

“It’s ok Tuuri, you don’t have to suffer. T r U s T   u S    ~~N e V e R   a L o N e~~ – it hurts, (not)Lalli’s touch hurts, like claws piercing skin and eating at the bones below.

There’s a sudden trembling, like the earth moved, or something hit the tank without an impact.

Her eyes are drawn to the front of the tank.

There, almost faded against the thick fog and twisted something (are those entrails?!), beating like nature’s force, is Lalli. Her Lalli. He’s crying, and she can see, he’s calling her name.

She doesn’t have to see that the one on her side is a melted pile of black meat and grime.

She puts the knife in its eyes, and jumps over the table, kicking plates against the monsters hands.

“LALLI!” she has to get to him. She has to.

She wonders how long have he been trying to get to her. Get her to acknowledge her little fantasy world. Seeing how much it was transforming her in her ignorance. Such a fool. So weak, she tells herself, blood like tears running down her eyes, and tainting everything. It’s everywhere. She can’t tell if the blood is red or black.

The moment her hands touches the glass, she and Lalli are falling into water.

The darkness has eyes and teeth, and wants her for itself. But then Lalli wraps around her, and he shines like the moon, like the stars. He’s beautiful, and his desperation is power, breaking out, responding to his non worded command.

It hurts her (she feels like two, the one that always welcomed the spirit of both her brothers, and the one that is breaking down and eating at her, that one cries out and wants to hiss and bite. She doesn’t let her). But it hurts the horrors lurking around more, for they let them go. They swim onto a red mossy peak.

“Tuuri. Tuuri” Lalli says, patting her like he wants to corroborate she’s fine. But she isn’t, and it shows, and he knows, because she keeps patting and looks at her eyes with tears in his. She likes the shine in his eyes no matter how much it pains her to see his soul.

“Lalli” she tells him, and he stops, soft yet firm hands still on her form. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry… but you’re the only one-

“No” he gasps. But he knows she’s right. Her breath is labored, but she still takes the time to look around. The world the mages have access to, uh? She’s so far gone, wow.

“I don’t want to be lost, Lalli”

I’m scared, she doesn’t tell him. Please help me, she refrains. Yet he knows, for this is the job of any Finnish Mage.

“You need to wake up and set me free” it’s so cruel, to be asking this of her baby brother, but Onni must be still be in a coma, and she’s both relieved he doesn’t have to see this, see her, and destroyed because her last talk with him was a fucking lie. She feels rage taking her over, and it hurts, and it bubbles out from her eyes and mouth.

Lalli looks sick and completely stricken, but can’t seem to look away. He gently cleans at her tears, and it hurts them both. It seems fitting somehow. She takes on the pain, for it’s his love that will set her free, and she wants to remember how much she messed up. How much it’s hurting Lalli, and how it’ll hurt him after.

Lalli bumps her forehead with his, and she can see the world in his eyes.

She doesn’t notice she was rambling about forests and lakes and wooden planks until he backs up and her mouth stops running with commentary. This place is amazing, and she can see so much. It showed her a piece of Lalli’s soul, and she’s so grateful for having seen it.

She smiles at him, doesn’t want to see him to see how much existing is hurting her.

“Say hi to grandma. And mom and dad. And your mom and dad” he seems at a loss about how to say goodbye, and it makes her giggle. Her mouth drips.

“I will. Tell… tell Onni I love him, and take care of him for me, please” she wets her lips even though it’s not necessary in this world. What is even meat, faces and saliva? how could she still exist…? she stops that line of thought when she feels her body corroding further. “I also… I’m sorry Lalli- sorry sorry sorry s o r r y” she stops when she sees his mouth tighten and notice she started rambling again.

“I love you Lalli” she trembles, and exhales. “Go now” she tells him, because the dangers lurking seem to get closer the more time it passes, and she’s getting weaker.

He nods, and before he disappears in a beat of bright wings, he tells her “Remember, your name is Tuuri Hotakainen”.

It echoes in her mind to the beat of her soul (what’s a heart?) and she mumbles it, because it’s the least she can do to make Lalli’s job easier. She repeats it, and repeats it, again and again.

M y   n A m E    I S     T u U r I  .  . . T u u R I .    .   .

.              ..                            U uuu hH            ……                                        .

.              .

…………………….   .              .             .  . . .  L a  l l i ?

.

_and it’s dark and cold in here_

.

Emil wakes with a start, and he stays in place trying to pinpoint what woke him up. Sigrun and Mikkel are snoring away, and Reynir is tangled in his sleep ( It looks like tear marks are on his face, which is fairly common lately). There’s no heat from under his bed, and one quick check confirms that Lalli is gone.

He knows he’s probably with Tuuri, and should leave him have his moments with his family… yet he’s already on his feet and quietly bypassing all sleeping limbs, and crossing to Tuuri’s side of the tank.

At first glance, he sees Lalli cradling Tuuri in his lap, her head nestled on his neck. There’s a distinct lack of covers, and knows how much Lalli likes his warm, so he gets closer to see if there’s a blanket to put over the two when he takes a second look at both Finnish.

Lalli’s eyes are wide open not focusing on anything, looking beyond the glass, and Tuuri’s face is relaxed for the first time in days, except that anything below her neck looks nightmareish and there’s that knife Lalli used on the dog beast sticking out from her chest.

“Oh Lalli” he swallows back the rush of emotions and the sting in his eyes as he reaches out to squeeze Lalli’s shoulder, but he just wraps himself around his cousin more tightly.

He wants to give him more time, but… first thing first.

He firmly knocks on the wall, without taking his eyes from Lalli. All snoring is gone immediately.

“Can any of you put Reynir on his mask?” he calls to the other side. It’s going to be a long night. A quick look at the greying sky behind the glass makes for a very long and early day.

.

_so won’t you guide my way with your light?_

.

**Fin**

**Author's Note:**

> The poem was unexpected, and it wraped my idea quite nicely. Thank you brain, despite how much I deprive you of sleep and happy thoughts.  
> My headcanon here was about how the rash affect people's dreamspaces, and how it may trap them there while it eats at the body, and finish by then trapping them in the now corrupted body... because extra angst, of course.  
> The summary ends up refering to the fact that when she looks at Lalli's eyes, she actually sees his dreamspace~ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> Anyway, thank you for reading~


End file.
